Listening to: the sound of your voice.
Reading: your thoughts.
Watching: the days go by...
Playing: with your mind,
Eating: the memories of you.
Drinking: up your passionate desires.
So, ever since about third grade, maybe fourth, I've always felt the need to save people. To...help them with whatever problems they have. I can list a few, going just through elementary school to the end of middle school.
Kelly: She came up from some southern state, i don't really remember. But her mother was great, they didn't have much money, i think her dad left them. So...when she moved to my school i sat next to her and said hello. We talked and i felt happy that she wasn't so sad looking. I was, in her words, her best friend. We planned a slumber party for weeks, i could see the way it just lit up her eyes, she drew me pictures about it, taught me the "proper way to plan a slumber party", and we giggled on the play ground during lunch about how much fun it would be. A few days before...she disappeared. didn't show up at school, i was abandoned. I hadn't saved her..i couldn't save her anymore once she left. She was my friend, and she was gone. I was pulled aside and taken out into the hallway and I was told she has moved and left Michigan. I walked into the classroom numb and sobbed all day. her things were still in her desk and everything, she had just left.
Darian: He moved to my school when i was in forth grade. He was a little goofy, he didnt really have that many friends. he didnt really have a great family life, and you could just kind of see it by looking at him. he was black, so that was off putting for some people in my class. i was friends with him because he didnt have that many friends. he didnt really try that hard in school, and i always tried to help him with his school work so he could do better. i tried to help him with his math and science, we worked well together on that. He told me he would be transferring to another school soon and so..he made me some bracelets and he left. none of my saving worked. his life wasnt changed..
Nick: nicks father divorced his mother because he was gay. everyone heard about it eventually and they thought, well his father is gay, he MUST be gay. Everyone picked on him. He walked a little funny, he was over weight and he loved high school musical. I became friends with him and we sang high school musical songs at recess and at lunch. I look back on it now and i remember a kid, who wouldnt even think twice about talking to someone "weird" like that now. I became friends with nicks friends and we all hung out together. I was invited to his birthday party, i remember i couldnt go for some reason, but it was high school musical themed and we were all excited to go. Now..nick and i grew apart but..i always defended him when someone got in his face and called him gay or a fag. I dont think it ever helped..he moved away and went to another school because he couldnt take the bullying any more.
Breanna: B-R-E-A-N-N-A. thats how we always used to say it.. Now, i met breanna on the first day of school in kindergarten. I asked her if she wanted to be friends and she said sure. we patty-caked every day on the bus, sat near each other on the bus and waited in line for the tire swing together. It was easy, id always find her at the tire swing and we'd always play together. when we both got older she started..maturing more than me. in...i think fourth grade, she started to get boyfriends who were a LOT older than her, do many things in fourth grade you havent even LEARNED about. i tried to reason with her and tried to make her go back to the old breanna. well..it didnt work. i dont even know who she is anymore..we were friends for almost 6 years..and i couldnt help her.
Rebecca: Rebecca was..difficult. she didnt really care what other people thought of her. She kind of just did what ever she thought was fun, or cool. I was in band with her, she played the flute and i played the trombone. its where we met. we bonded and i listened to her story about how she was abused sexually as a child and her court battles. i befriended her to help her through it. she started to get a little wild halfway through our friendship. She had a few miscarriages, bad fight. I always wrote her notes to help her through it, and it didnt benefit me. she was a horrible influence on me, but i wanted to help her. she moved away, she doesnt go to my school anymore.
Cierra: She was crazy ha. we had great fun together talking about guys and crushing on celebrities. she moved to my school in sixth grade, but i became friends with her in seventh. she didnt have a very good relationship with her mother, and she always talked about it. she "hated" her mother and couldnt wait to move away. we created this fantasy, that cierra and i would move to Ireland and eventually make out way to the U.K. to party and live out our lives the way we wanted to. we would have a loft and bring guys home and have lavish parties. now..cierra was in a foster home when she was younger. she..was kind of messed up in the family aspect of her life. i wanted to help her through it. i conformed to her personality and morphed mine to be like hers. i shadowed her and did everything she did. it wasnt healthy for me, but i wanted to help her get through what she was going through. we eventually grew apart and she moved again. shes moved twice since 8th grade.
Ive always known that there was this side of me. I have a weakness for people in need. I dont want them to feel pain like i have. i hide my pain and help others. it makes me feel better, and its not healthy for me. I have gone through enough to understand that im not the only one who is hurt. I seek out the ones in need, and the ones in need always seem to find me. I will take care of you, regardless the hell im going through.